If You Could
by JadedLogic
Summary: Sad story, how I imagine Lauren and Bo meet their end. Reassuring Bo, doubtful Lauren. Bittersweet. You have been warned.


She had made her choice, long before she even knew it. Her heart went with Lauren the first time she saw her smile. That slightly bashful, dimpled, stunning smile. Whenever doubt wedged itself between them it was that smile that always pulled her back. Even when Lauren told her it couldn't work, that she would die long before she would, it grounded her because she knew the soul behind it was just as beautiful.

"Bo…" Lauren called for her from the other room, she was clutching an old photo of them. It was a fond memory, a night of many laughs and...activities. She smirked recalling how long they had been at it. Was it four hours? Maybe six? Either way she revealed in the good feelings it stirred in her.

"Hey." Her loving smile quickly faded seeing the tears in Lauren's eyes. "What's wrong?"

Lauren shook her head, as if it could somehow rid her of her emotions, and the tears they fed on.

She sat next to her, taking hold of her hand.

"I wish we could go just go back…"

Her heart clenched painfully at the distraught tone in her voice. She knew what she was alluding to. Back to her youth, back to when her aging wasn't a concern. Now it was getting harder to ignore. Lauren woke up every morning dreading what she would see in the mirror. Another wrinkle? Another graying hair? But it didn't matter to her. She would always love her for the adorable science geek she was.

"Lauren…"

"I know." She had said it a thousand times over. It didn't bother her. That she was beautiful and loved.

"Just...I want to know the truth Bo. If I could...if I had the chance. Would you let me?"

"Let you?"

"Go back."

Oh Lauren. Her heart broke even further. Lauren had warned her of this pain long before they let their relationship develop into the entirety it was today but she still wasn't prepared for it. Every day meant another day closer to their end.

"No." It was a lie. A huge, painful,blatant back stabbing lie. She couldn't tell her how much she needed her to stay. It was asking too much. It wasn't fair.

Lauren swallowed thickly, a stray tear running down the side of her face. She brushed it away and Lauren released a strangled sob. She knew Lauren wanted her to say yes. Anything to give her a reason to go back to her research.

"I love you."

Lauren moved away from her hand and she felt tears in her own eyes now.

"I'll always love you." she added.

"I was never enough for you…"

"No."she choked. "Lauren you're everything to me."

Lauren hung her head, long strands of blonde slightly graying hair shielding her face.

"Then why don't you want me to stay…"

She couldn't answer that. That wasn't true. She wanted her to stay. She didn't know how she was going to go on without her. She pulled Lauren into her and held her. Breathing deeply to ward of her tears. The lump in her throat felt everlasting.

"You'll always be with me."

She looked down at the photo in Lauren's lap. Lauren's smile beamed at the camera, filling her her with so much love and sorrow all at once. She never wanted to see that smile fade but it was already happening. No amount of kind, loving words seemed to bring it back either. She grievously shut her eyes and pressed a kiss to Lauren's head. For a moment it felt like old times. Lauren wrapped her arms around her, holding on tightly while she held her back. But Lauren pulled away. Another blow to her chest.

"Lauren." she croaked.

"I'm tired…"

She nodded and let her rest.

I was a week later when she found her laying on the floor of their apartment, surrounded by a sea of research notes. She should have seen it coming but she was too busy parading around with Dyson, an activity that Lauren found herself unable to keep up with lately. The guilt hit her hard, like a punch in the stomach. There was an empty syringe on the floor beside her, a small drop the only remnants left behind. She fell to her knees beside her, hoping, begging, that the woman she loved was still alive. She couldn't feel her. Not a pulse or that beautiful aura that surrounded her.

"No…" She heaved. "Lauren!"

She did her best to breath life back into her, exhausting herself till nearly collapsing. Not even a twitch. Her chest tightened, breathing seemed next to impossible as the cold reality caught up to her. She leaned back against the wall as her world fell away, filling the silent room with gut wrenching sobs.

"I love you…."

She pulled Lauren into her lap and held her one last time.


End file.
